Reanimate! Our Blog has been dead for too long, so, for the upcoming GamesCOM in Cologne, Germany, I think it’s time again to revive this crap! Starting up with a game that’s a bit older now, known as an “Action-Porn”. BAYONETTA, Sega’s newest Hack’n'Slay-game for Xbox 360 and PS3 comes along like 20 pills of Ecstasy, I swear! (No, I DON’T do Ecstasy but I could imagine the same experience! :’D)
Story starts over pretty…strange? During a massive storyteller’s voice you fight as Bayonetta along with a mysterious red woman on the top piece of a clocktower thats falling down a giant cliff. The enemies you fight would make the bible even a book for Fantasy-fans: Angels! Unlike the sweet little half-naked babies on various pictures, Bayonetta-angels are half man, half…bird?! And the more Bayonetta damages them, the more skin they lose, so they end up as ugly chickens blowing up and leaving Halos, the currency of the game for which you can buy new weapons, techniques, and items at “The gates of Hell”, the bar of a comrade named Rodin, who seems to be straight from Hell itself.
IF you are male and, instead of watching Bayonetta’s ass wiggle around while she walks slowly and staring at her boobs, follow the conversations and happenings in the cutscenes, you just MIGHT get the story. Two things will make it hard for you though: First, the story is fast, VERY fast. As you’re about to get it, the game will be just over and you will just look at the screen with a WTF-face. Second (Guys get lucky): The hypersexualism of this game, which had given it the byname of “Action-porn”. EVERYTHING, really EVERYTHING what Bayonetta does and says, seems to have a second dirty sense. Also, her skin-tight suit is made up of her own hair, and THIS hair will be used during fatal combos. At the end of bossfights, she even executes a “Climax-Move” that almost uses up every hair of her skin-suit. TLDR: Naked Bayonetta killing a giant creature from heaven. And if not enough: fights can easily be played one-handed. Have fun, you sick videogame perverts! :D
Controls are rather easy, especially you can practice all of the combos during the loading screen, since everything has to go fast and without taking damage when you hunt platinum medals. The graphic is nicely done, and mostly cooperates with the cutscene: The point of view does not change between cutscene and game. An epic fact is the progressive size of the enemies you fight. First angels, then archangels, then even giants. I got the strange feeling I’m gonna kick god’s ass at the end of the game.
What irritates me is the soundtrack. Alright, a hell of an army quote from Halo 3: ODST was like “You know the music, time to dance”, but I think the guys from Sega took this one too serious. Hearing the Bayonetta soundtrack makes me feel like I’m in a disco, but seeing the ultrabrutal and hypersexual violation of the game itself makes me feel like I’m playing Devil may Cry. It just irritates me.
In total, ovIm’s comment ’bout Bayonetta is truly right: “When Hideki Kamiya made Devil May Cry, Capcom told him to hold back. That’s what the Sega Guys didn’t tell him.”
Even if this game comes around really strange, it’s really innovative and especially good for three types of gamers:
– hack’n'slay fanatics who rip from one enemy crowd to another enemy crowd to reach the next enemy crowd,
– sick videogame perverts that play Dead or Alive Extreme Volleyball 24/7 while masturbating, and
– people that share both characteristics. Like ovIm. :D
Rock On! It’s time for another review, and since I’m sitting around here smokin’ a cigarette and being bored, I thought about writing a short report about GUITAR HERO WORLD TOUR for the Xbox 360, which I borrowed from a friend these days. I borrowed the game and the guitar, so I got everything to rock my flat! :D
I think everyone should know the plot about Guitar Hero, and if not, for all the ones who don’t know crap, I write it down shortly:
YOU are a special musician, either a solo artist or a member of a band, playing your way through gigs and concerts all over the world. You visit little Clubs, big fests (such as the German “Ozzfest”) or play at the Happy New Year 2009-concert in NYC on Times Square. You shredd around to epic old rock songs from heavy metal, rock and punk bands, e.g. Metallica, System of a Down, 30 Seconds to Mars, Tool, and Korn. But THIS is just a little bit of all the bands you can choose from. As usual, 5 difficulty levels give you the chance to test your power on the guitar and become the ultimate Guitar Hero!
You can throw away your controller and fully go through the game with the guitar, also you can apply a microphone, a second guitar (which can either act as another guitar or bass) and a Drum Set, creating your own band with friends or family…or both. Through Xbox Live, you can even play versus other solo artists or bands. You can also indivdualize your character, your outfit, and your instruments. That’s what I call “Rocking out”!
Another new sweet function is to create own songs and upload them to the sharing platform GHTunes, where you can also download various other songs from other creators. Who knows, if EVER get the chance to upgrade to Gold again them maybe I will find songs of my beloved band SlipKnot! ^^
Still, the shit about Guitar Hero stays the same: The instruments are not cheap, and it will cost up to 200 bucks to get the whole set with 2 guitars, a mic and a drumset, also, you can be ready to get flamed by various jealous idiots who don’t understand that Guitar Hero is not a game where you can learn to play guitar. It’s just a party game with the chance to get Gamerscore, don’t you get it you dipshits? :/
Totally, GHWT is one of the best Guitar Hero copies I’ve played. And I played them all, the only thingie that would be a shot better is GH5, because I like more songs from there. Still, I rock out for like 3 days now, playing my way to expert level. But, seriously, my fingers ached after 5 “heavy” songs…shit :/
I recommend 3 copies of the GH series: GHIII, GHWT and GH5. The other ones where not epic enough. But mostly I recommend GHWT, because of the rich amount of songs and the brandnew guitar with slide-buttons. Rock out and stay sic, see you on Xbox Live!
Guess who’s back! I spent the weekend for playing the new HALO 3: ODST, but I gotta admit: I’m pretty disappointed of this game.
ODST plays shortly before Halo 3, so this is no sequel to the Halo saga, more like a filler, what happened between 2 and 3. But this time, you are NOT Master Chief, since he’s getting dropped to Earth in the beginning of Halo 3. You are member a special marine unit, an ODST, “Orbital Drop Shock Trooper”, also called “Helljumper”. These troops are fexible and strong, and are used to be instantly dropped into a battle as reinforcement. ODSTs have better equipment than regular marines, like a VISR helmet, almost like the one of Master Chief. But unlike Master Chief, these soldiers are not enhanced biologically or chemically, but completed an elite training for their missions. You and your Squad are assigned to get dropped to the african mega city of “New Mombasa”, since Covenant forces breached through Earth’s defenses and assaulted the city. You have no exact mission briefing, but before even reaching the surface, a shockwave scatters your squad and you lose conciousness.
You wake up approx. 48 hours after drop and start to look for your scattered squad throughout the city, fighting patrolling Covenant forces, and finding hints. With these hints, you will be taken back in time to another member of the squad, and play as him fighting his way through Covenant forces. With time, you will resolve the puzzle.
Well, gameplay is as usual, although the graphics have been enhanced since H3. New weapons, also the new VISR which analyses the environment, will help throughout the story and the dark streets of New Mombasa.
You also connect yourself in the beginning with the Super-AI of the City, gaining access to a city map and various informations and hide-outs. You can collect audio sequences from inhabitants of New Mombasa and find clues what happened. Although this is supposed to be a new Halo – I don’t think so.
Also, the skulls you used to collect in H3, are now available at the beginning.
In total, the campaign is a bit poor.
For the ones who thought that playing as an ODST will make the game more difficult: Sorry guys. Although ODSTs are not supposed to be a strong as Master Chief, the player can pretty reach to this power. You don’t have a shield, but endurance. If you lose endurance by taking hits, then you will satrt to lose health by taking another hit. One point that could make the game a bit difficult is that your health is not regenrative and you must collect medipacks to heal yourself, but, my god, you find them at ANY FUKKEN corner .__.
The multiplayer opens a new way of playing: The firefight. On a special map from ODST, you will fight with 4 other players via Xbox LIVE or System Link against waves of incoming Covenant forces. Teamwork and a good amount of skill will help you through this interesting new gaming mode. Also, along with the firefight, H3:ODST comes with a second disc, containing the whole Halo 3 Multiplayer, with all maps, weapons, armors, etc. But it’s just Halo 3. =(
Halo 3: ODST was for me not really the experience I expected. The fact that the ODSTs you play are almost as strong as the Master Chief (however, in one of the novels the Master Chief was bullied by 4 ODSTs and bashed them apart, even killing one of them), and the low-packed campaign and old multiplayer makes ODST more an Add-On than a real game. I’m happy that I borrowed it, since I would not pay the price for that game. I am really a Halo fan, but…No. I think you really should borrow it from someone or rent it, just to collect the Gamerscore and take a photo with your “full” Halo Collection and masturbate on it. Seriously, I am disappointed.
Filed under: XBox 360 | Tags: Bethesda, Bioshock, Ego-Shooter, FPS, Review, XBox 360
Guess who’s back! After a long while of learning for exams, I’m finally finished and back with a new game I got! I’m talking about the high prised BIOSHOCK, the “shooter with a shot of gentech”. Bioshock was the best game I played this year, next to Halo 3: ODST, which I’ll borrow from a friend the next days. :D
You are an unnamed character which lives in 1960 and is on the way to America. Smokin’ a cigarette, you tell yourself, that your parents told you that you will fulfill great things, and they would be right. In this second, the plane seems to crash, and you lose conciousness, before you regain it in the water of the ocean and swim to the surface. From now you can from freely and you will notice that you are the only survivor. You start to swim, and soon you notice a big tower near the wreck of the plane. This is the entrance to Rapture, an secret underwater city in the mid-atlantic, which seems to have gone out of control. You are welcomed by Atlas, a rebel who tries to find his family and strike down the cruel and completely crazy gone “mer” of the town, Andrew Ryan. On your way you will encounter various creatures, and you find out what happened to the city.
The magic about Bioshock is not just running around in an awesome environment and killing mutated people, it’s the way how you can run through the game. Three endings are included, depending on how you act in the game, who you kill, what you do. Rapture is a city full of inventions mankind not even dreamed of, a “city where artist don’t need to fear censorship, where scientists are not confined by any moral thoughts”. Maybe this is the reason the city gone mad. You will encounter mutated people who will try to kill you in the name of Andrew Ryan, and also you will meet the Big Daddys. Big Daddys are strongly armored Super-Warriors, who stay calm and peaceful if you ignore them, but turn aggressive and dangerous if you attack them. Their task is to protect the Little Sisters, small girls who check corpses for a special substance called Adam. You also will need Adam to upgrade yourself, so sooner or later you must defeat a Big Daddy to get the Adam from the Little Sister. You even can choose, either kill the Little Sister and get the full amount of Adam, or let her live and only get half of it. Every step you take has an effect on the story and you gotta choose on your own.
Along with the standard weapons like shotgun, machinegun or simple pipe tongs, you will also have the possibility to enhance your DNA with Plasmides, which give you different powers, like a lightning fist, telekinesis or even a flame hand. Upgrading yourself with Adam will give you more slots for Plasmides and tonica, turning you into a genetic overlord. And all that was just a BIT of the game! D:
I played Bioshok for nearly a week now, and I gotta say, this game is just fantastic. I never had so much possibilities, so much ways of playing a game, like in Bioshock. The second part is expected next year, and I really think about getting BS2 too. I mean…YOU CAN FUKKEN SMASH PEOPLE WITH PIPE TONGS! =D
Really, buy it. Go to a store. NOW.
